You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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