I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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