I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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