Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
