My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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