I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
