You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
