He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
