I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he shaved USA in his pubs
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
