"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
