I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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