I'd wear matching sweaters with you
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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