I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize