Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
birth control should be required to get into college
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
try to milk me bitch
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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