I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
