Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
