i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
