the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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