my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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