are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
