Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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