On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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