i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
