I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
