I love having hate sex.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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