he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize