a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
