There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
