Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
