Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
