My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
