I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
being pregnant is like rehab
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
