Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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