i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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