she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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