You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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