she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
