I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Everything about him screamed your future.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
