Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
