she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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