Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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