i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Holy shit dude........stairs
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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