I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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