I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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