my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
