why do cheetos always look like penises
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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