Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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