Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
