Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
