Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
