I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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