He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
