My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
