nut hugger
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
