i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize