matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize