You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
