Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
