so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
