Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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