So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
