No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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