I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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