You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
