why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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