Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
