dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
