I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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