mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
