Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
