the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
