dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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