Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
