remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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