Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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