There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
