batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
